Balancing Act as a Potential Criminal and Legislated Social Conscience for an Entire Community
Here is a snapshot of the conundrums of HIV disclosure each time I go to an online hook up site. When I disclose my HIV status, I more often than not get rejected. Yet, I am encouraged to engage in risky sex acts with no questions asked. I am approached by men who want me to” fuck them raw”, who ask no questions and never have a discussion about HIV or any other sexually transmitted infections.
I could “fuck him raw”, but I have a legal obligation to disclose my HIV status, because as a person living with HIV, I am a potential criminal if I do not disclose. How long will this continue? Me being deprived of sex, becoming more sexually frustrated, being rejected each time I disclose my HIV status, while at the same time being presented with tempting sexual fantasies and encouragement to “fuck him raw.”
As I continue to be presented with constant sexual temptations which are reckless, I am constantly being reminded that I have become, as legislated, the social conscience for the entire gay community. What an enormous burden to carry as it is a delicate balancing act which demonstrates the disproportionate weight of responsibility on a person living with HIV.
The expectation that I be responsible each and every time to throw water on hot sexual fantasies is too much of a burden for any individual to carry alone, especially one who is deprived of sex and frustrated as hell. It is doomed to fail. Should I be the only one with legal, moral and ethical obligations? Does criminalization of HIV allow for reckless behaviour? Would I be reckless too if I knew I had recourse when a potential hook up was obliged by law to disclose their HIV status to protect me from risk? What would you do under these circumstances?