Lost a Pair
Thank you for your contribution to HIV disclosure to sex partners.
I lost my partner five years ago to HIV related complications. I was encouraged by friends and decided to get back out on the dating scene and eventually I bravely put up a profile on a dating site. I was not prepared for the rejection and discrimination I received. I could not cope with it, as it was taking its toll on me, making my feelings of loss much worse and I was beginning to think there was something terribly wrong with me. I kept telling myself it was general misunderstanding and lack of knowledge that caused people to reject me and be afraid of my HIV status. I contemplated and then tried dating men who were also HIV positive but they were few and far between. So for now I am going to take a break and decide whether I will regain the courage to get back out there or not.
The problem with this is, people asked if I was dating, why I was not dating, telling me I should at least be trying and often not understanding the discrimination and stigma I attempted to describe. My new tactic is to remain quiet, change the topic when my dating status comes up and avoid any questions relating to dating, as I feel misunderstood.
I miss my partner, I feel lost and isolated without him as we gave each other support and there was never a need for any explanations. I feel at times excluded, as I no longer come as a pair.